What Parents Must Know About The Angry Child
I’m sure that none of you have ever had dramas over playing on a computer. But at my house it is a common occurance. This morning Kieren, my 14 year old, was up and all ready for school before 7am. When I woke up he said to me, “mum, I have done all of my chores and I would like to know if I can please have a go on the computer”.
I felt obliged to say “yes” as he had done everything he needed to do. I wanted to reward him for putting in a great effort. That was fine until another one of my kids came along who hadn’t done his chores, but wanted the very same privilege. He took one look at Kieren and said, “It’s my turn soon so you will have to hop off”.
Needless to say his brother wasn’t impressed. I explained to Sam that Kieren was allowed his turn because of what he had done already, but Sam wasn’t listening. He just knew that if his brother could have a turn, he should get a turn also.
I was doing the washing up as I listened to the argument. On and on it went until I had to step in and help them. I told Sam that if he kept on complaining and arguing he would miss out on a go altogether. But still he kept complaining.
Eventually I had to tell him that he wouldn’t be allowed a turn at all today as he had refused to stop complaining and arguing. But by this time he was so angry that he couldn’t think straight anyhow. The tears came and he got himself further and further into a pickle as he refused to calm down. By this stage Kieren had bailed out and left for school. Smart kid.
Sam sat down and tried to start computer, ignoring my requests to stay away from it. I had to go to the computer and turn it off and usher him to the door way to leave for school. This was not the right time to talk to Sam.
We as parents and carers need to be aware that when children are angry they cannot think rationally about things. They will always need some time to calm down. So we should not try to talk to kids when they are in that frame of mind.
The outcome? Well I won’t actually know that until this afternoon when Sam comes home from school. My hope is that he will have calmed down enough to give me an apology. And you can be sure that he will be missing his computer time this afternoon.
We can’t always control how our children behave. But we can control our reactions to it. By giving Sam a ban on the computer today that will speak volumes to him about the inappropriateness of his behavior. And I have also decided to ring a counselor at school to see if there any courses or special training that might help Sam to learn to manage his anger in a more constructive way.
It is not a bad thing to have problems with your children. Believe me. I have four children and plenty of drama in my house. The key is in the way you deal with it. Happy Parenting!
