The Place Of A Parent Is In The Wrong
We all remember being children, looking at our parents in disbelief at the oversights, misunderstandings and plain daft ways they behaved towards us. At the time we promised ourselves that one day we’d show them just how it should be done. So here we all are, wondering where on earth it all went wrong. Our children are now shaking their heads at us whilst looking sadly at their pitiful parents, almost certainly promising themselves that one day they’d show us how it should be done. Such is the comedy of life. The truth is that being a parent is never easy, and there have always been dangers, traditions, expectations, risks and issues that have had to be tackled. However, the biggest challenge parents have always faced is that the world into which they bring their children is not the same as the familiar world of their own childhood, and this is where the problems start.
Of course, today the world in which our children are growing up is a very different one to our own childhood experiences. With computer technology and the rapid development and integration of the internet into daily life, our children are placed in situations far removed from anything we could have imagined. With friends on the other side of the planet that they have never met, but know intimate secrets about, and evenings spent in front of their monitor, in rapt attention, attempting to rescue the Lost Artefact from the Tomb of Al’Kqaar, or chatting away to the other members of their guild in order to bring down the mighty Fargore, we as parents can only sit back and wonder. And don’t worry - you’re not the only parent to scratch their head and wonder what it’s all about.
Most of us are quite literate when it comes to using computers, and indeed most of us have to use them for work each day. Sending and receiving emails, creating letters and documents, working through spreadsheets and databases is of little difficulty. Yet our children seem to find depths to the computer that leave us perplexed. We are the generation who is aware of identity problems, and shred our paperwork rigorously, protecting our personal data at all costs. Yet our children seem to relish the idea of publishing photos, journals and intimate secrets with rash abandon for the whole world to see and do what they will with the material. We’d never stand in the street handing out our email address, phone number and a bunch of photos to any individual who passed us. Yet this is exactly what our children seem to be doing in the digital world. They claim to have hundreds of online friends, yet have never met any of them, and this goes against our very concept of what friendship means.
Then of course there are our worries and concerns regarding the dubious people online that are simply there to lure our children to some dark alley and do what they will with them. We hear the statistics and see the news stories of yet another child who met up with some stranger from the internet and was never seen again, and it’s easy to be tempted to unplug the computer and throw it on the bonfire as though tainted in some evil way.
Of course, the truth is that computers, and the internet, are no more dangerous than any other aspect of our lives. Yes, we could easily get knocked down and killed crossing the road, a tree might fall over and crush us, or we might go on holiday and get killed by a falling coconut, but we stand more chance of being killed in any of these ways than of any harm coming to us using a computer or the internet. It’s simply a matter of common sense. After all, crossing the road is a fairly straightforward and relatively safe procedure, but lying down in the middle of the motorway is clearly being ludicrously cavalier with our safety. Similarly, using the internet safely is fine, but there are stupid things that we, or our children, can do which we need to be aware of.
So what are the main problems with using the internet, and what can we as parents do to help increase the safety of our children whilst they are enjoying this resource? The most important, and ultimately effective method of helping to support our children is education. This means education of ourselves, and education of our children. The more that you know and understand what is meant by messenger software, chat rooms, online games, profiles and avatars, the more you’ll be able to help your child understand the dangers, and the benefits of using the internet in a safe way. Remember, we’re not trying to scare our children away from the internet - it’s always going to be around and we’re not going to be able to stop them in the end, but we can help make them aware of the issues and help them make educated decisions themselves.
In just the same way that we tell children not to talk to strangers, not to accept sweets from people they don’t know, not to go out alone, but to stay with a friend, to report anyone acting strangely, and other basics to help them stay safe when out and about in our own neighbourhoods, making sure that they realise that people they communicate with on the internet have the advantage of anonymity and can disguise themselves far more easily online than they could in real life. A 12 year old boy your child bumps into at the park is clearly exactly that - he needs no further proof to back up his claim, and is therefore probably quite safe as a friend. However, someone online who claims to be a 12 year old boy has only words to prove it, and a photo which could easily be lifted from any of the billions of sources on the internet.
Possibly you may already be aware of the fact that there is a wealth of security software available for parents. These enable you to lock down and protect your computer, installing filters and logs, restrictions and blocking tools, guards and scanners, but to be honest most of this will simply cause our children to be ever more curious about what really is on the other side of the wall you’ve built. We were children once, and we know that the first thing you want to do if told not to look over the wall, is to look over the wall, and most children are smart enough to work out a way of getting past the security. A far more effective way of supporting and protecting them is to communicate with them. To have the computer somewhere publically visible so that you can see what they’re doing, share an interest, and talk with them, is far better than trying to lock everything down and then running away to pretend the dangers will go away.
